Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
