well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
