You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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