Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
