she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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