are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
