Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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