butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
