Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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