??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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