Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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