My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
