she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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