if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
