he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
