are you still at the devil's house?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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