he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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