shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
