it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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