He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
