I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
