Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
