She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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