Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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