I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
