So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
