Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
