I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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