I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
