I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
