I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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