My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
