Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
