also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
