Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
