Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
