I am in a vortex of obligation.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
