Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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