i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
