she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
