I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
