Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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