I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize