dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
