one two three fourrrrnication!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
