How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
