its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
