What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
