Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
