Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
