fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Terrible idea I love it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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