She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
