he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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