Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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