Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
