Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize