My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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