Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
