We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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