You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
