And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
