just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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