Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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