I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My liver just had a heart attack.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize