i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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