She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
