Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
