Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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