i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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