new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize