Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
